Classical Music Gets Conservative Representation on Drinkify.org, With a Few Notable Exceptions

Ok, so if you’re at a dinner party and you hear Mozart string quartets playing…you’re probably popping down gruyere cheese and caramelized onion puffs and upscale crudité from struggling artist cater-waiters…and its very likely your drink of choice is some form of wine. a crisp white from a vineyard you have never heard of (much to the host’s pleasure, since wine snobbery seems the ultimate, passive-aggressive way of asserting social superiority at a dinner party). or if you are hanging around the smoked meats and cheeses, you might have a glass of red while you make small talk about nothing in particular to someone whose name you will have forgotten hours later. is wine the only pairing acceptable with classical music?

Transient

a new site, known affectionately as “Drinkify”, helps to spice up your music library by providing drinks to go with what you’re in the mood to listen to. Ke$ha is paired with vodka, straight up (which was puzzling…since i would have expected it to be Jack Daniels, since that’s good enough for her toothbrush), Metallica gets Captain Morgan on the rocks, and the Aretha Franklin is vodka, sprite and fassionola. However, when i looked up Bach and Beethoven and even Mahler, i was suggested an ENTIRE bottle of red wine, garnished with pepper. talk about a disappointment.

does classical music not deserve a little fun every once in a while? sure, while we music majors can take shots every time vivaldi has a circle-of-fifths progression or wagner uses a German sixth, are there no fun drinks the layman can enjoy while listening to a Schumann song cycle or Brahms’ Intermezzi for piano? Thankfully, Drinkify did come up with a few “interesting” options that will get ANY party started, to say the least. I offer three of them up below. For the rest, you will have to search and be surprised on your own.

Happy Drinking my fellow music lovers!*

1) “The Antonin Dvorak”

1oz. Jägermeister

1oz. Bitters

1oz. Monster Energy Drink

-Combine in a highball glass, stir slowly and serve. Garnish with a glowstick.

2) “The Brahms”

10 oz. Ecstasy

10 oz. Wheatgrass juice

6 oz. V8

-Combine in a highball glass and serve. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.

3) “The Franz Schubert”

1 oz. Ecstasy

1 oz. Coco Lopez

8 oz. Tabasco sauce

-Combine in a highball glass and serve. Garnish with pickled carrot sticks.

*Note: This blogger does not endorse drug use in any form. These drinks have been reprinted here from Drinkify.org for comedic effect only. Drink and party responsibly.